Author Topic: Joke thread  (Read 75272 times)

Q13.1

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1260 on: January 22, 2017, 07:53:41 AM »
If the president is shot at
will his bodyguards shout
Donald duck?

Je

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1261 on: January 22, 2017, 11:33:01 PM »
Till they get to know him... then they'll shout Daffy Duck...

Je

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1262 on: January 22, 2017, 11:39:15 PM »
Thought really, if we're picking his Looney Tunes character - then its got to be Tweety.

Return of the Mac

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1263 on: January 25, 2017, 03:35:08 PM »
! No longer available

whitesage

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1264 on: February 06, 2017, 11:44:26 AM »
This is for Chewie, it would be nice to think that he is able to read here.

Never Lie to your Rabbi
 
 
 At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says, "I need a favor. I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?"
 
Irving is not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agrees.
 
After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied.
 
After some time the wise Rabbi becomes suspicious and asks, "Irving what are you really up to?"
 
Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confesses to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
 
The Rabbi smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago!"

whitesage

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1265 on: February 14, 2017, 02:14:40 PM »
Happy Valentines Day!

Boyfriend:
Baby, what are we doing for valentine? I didnít want to tell you before, but do you like Paris?

Girlfriend:
Yes!!!!  :) :) :)

Boyfriend:
And Barcelona?

Girlfriend:
OMG, yes!!!!  :D :D :D

Boyfriend:
Okay, tonight champions league at 9.45, PSG V Barca.

 :ambulance:

bababarararacucucudadada

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1266 on: April 10, 2017, 10:12:33 PM »
Masochist: "Hit me!"
Sadist: "No."

Q13.1

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1267 on: May 18, 2017, 01:18:30 AM »
What do you call a Pelican crossing?

An extinct species.

Just came to me  :o

whitesage

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1268 on: May 19, 2017, 02:09:07 PM »
It is the first time the world has a French president whose English is better than the American president's.

whitesage

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1269 on: May 19, 2017, 02:09:34 PM »
Longest nerve in the body...

 
 

Did you know that in the human body there  is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the  anus? 
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and  it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on  life.
If you don't believe it, pull a hair  from your arse and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your  eyes.

captainfly

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1270 on: May 19, 2017, 07:54:02 PM »
Did you hear about the guy that got caught stealing battery acid because he was addicted to drinking it?

The police charged him.

But surprisingly another guy who was caught stealing fireworks to stick up his bottom for sexual gratification was let off by the police.

Return of the Mac

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Re: Joke thread
« Reply #1271 on: September 27, 2017, 09:58:11 PM »
Sign language in gardening....

I was working in the garden the other day and my wife was about to take a shower.

I realized that I couldn't find the rake, so I yelled up to her "Where's the rake?"

She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"

I pointed to my eye and next to my knee and then made a raking motion.

Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?"

I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"


My wife replied that she understood and signaled back.

She first pointed to her eye, next she to her left breast, then to her backside and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.


Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?


She replied,

 

"EYE - LEFT TIT-BEHIND-THE BUSH